


anchor.

by beemblebummed



Category: D Gray Man, D. Gray-man, dgm - Fandom, dgrayman
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-08-09 10:47:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7798810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beemblebummed/pseuds/beemblebummed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yu's birthday swings around, and with it, he drops off the face of the Earth.<br/>- oneshot of some stuff i needed to get out</p>
            </blockquote>





	anchor.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Daisya ♥](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Daisya+%E2%99%A5).



> ***** triggers + squicks warning *****  
> \- implied thoughts of suicide  
> \- self loathing  
> \- real as fuck depression  
> \- it has a good ending, it's just kinda sad. i needed to write this out tbh

Yu isn't someone very positive about his birthday. A long time ago, something  _very bad_ happened on this day, this day that's supposed to be so happy and full of good. People say birthdays are important, that the person having them should be thankful for being alive, for having them. He's... often found himself in the mentality that he SHOULD be the opposite. What's so good about him? About him being alive? About having to live in this world, to burden his so-called friends? He doesn't deserve them, he only ever stresses them out. They're embarrassed to have him in their circle, they don't care about him. They probably only keep him around to point at him and laugh, to insult him behind their backs, to have fodder for stories to scornfully tell other friends.

It would make sense.

Today, he's curled up in a few blankets. His bed is probably sinking down into the floor with the impression of his body, which hasn't moved since he lay down for sleep the previous night. Already, it's 11am, and he's ignored at least four phone calls. He doesn't want to talk to them, he doesn't want them to come over or throw some stupid surprise party, or do  _anything_ special. Special occasions should be reserved for people who deserve anything special in their life. And he isn't one of them.

He's starting to doze off again, half of his face buried into his pillow. He hasn't showered in several days, and he didn't eat anything for dinner last night. His whole body aches right now, but he's ignoring it all. A few more hours of sleep, and then the day will practically be over- no one will want to try to visit with him or plan anything for him if it's 5pm and he hasn't spoken to anyone.

It feels as though he only  _blinks_ and a moment after, there's loud, rapid knocking on his apartment door. Growling, Yu pulls his blankets tighter around him, curling into himself, moving for the first time probably, that day. The knocking doesn't cease for several for seconds, and then the knob is being furiously rattled- it sounds as though a key is being shoved into the lock. It's then that he finally sits up slowly, glaring with dangerous hues towards the door, waiting for someone to bust in. Who even has his key? He doesn't remember giving it to anyone.

A moment later, it's thrown open, and there in the doorway, is a very panicked looking Daisya, eyes wide, breath short, overall a mess. Yu sits up straight, glancing around his little bedroom to figure out if he has any nearby shirts, forgetting in that brief time of being bombarded by company that he's topless. Before he can even sit up off of his bed, his name is practically  _roared_ from the other teen, and he dashes into the small bedroom and, disregarding the mess, the overall smell of the room, and the fact that Yu is shirtless, he throws himself at the boy.

"Daisya----!" he shouts.

"What the  **fuck** man, we thought you had died or something!" the boy shouts over him, clinging tightly to him. "Wh-what the---- what the  _ **fuck**_!!!"

Startled and confused, Yu blinks a few times and then casts a glance to his bedside clock, blinking again when he realizes it is 6pm. Had it really been that many hours he had slept? He rarely ever gets lucky enough to sleep that long, especially during the day. This causes his flustered state to grow and he shoves Daisya away, scooting further towards the center of the bed. Without really noticing, he crosses his arms, though the gesture looks more like a defensive hug than an annoyed stance.

"The hell're you talking about, dumbass?" he hisses, avoiding looking at his friend.

Daisya allows himself to be pushed off, but he doesn't get up or move away. "Kanda, you haven't talked to anyone  _all day_ , you---- everyone knows how much you hate your damn birthday, that's why we-- that's why we try to, to DO something for you every year! So you have something to remember that's  _good_! All you've talked about the past week is how much you wish you didn't HAVE a birthday, and you joke about wanting to.... about wanting to be  _dead!_ "

Yu flinches ever so slightly at the way Daisya's voice crack on that last word. He only looks further down, not speaking.

"Wh-when you... wouldn't talk to Lena, A-Allen, he---- he said you got drunk the other night, an-and you told him... told him you...."

Here, the long haired boy bristles. "What did that fuckhead tell you!?"

In reply, Daisya bursts into tears, reaching up immediately after to cover his eyes, clearly embarrassed, ashamed of showing that. "He to-told me everything, man, he t-told me what you SAID and what you talked to h-him about, you.... you fuckin'.... you fuckin' scared us all....!!"

There falls a silence that is only filled with the older lad's cries, though he tries his best to stop, to stay quiet, to  _quit crying_. Yu isn't ure what to say. Did they really think he would... do what he had said to Allen? Maybe he went too far. Maybe he never should have said a goddamn thing. This is  **exactly** why he didn't want people to see him today, to be around him, he didn't want people around him at ALL! Why did everyone have to do this stupid shit, WORRY about him? It's useless anyway...

"I know that damn look, dude," Daisya mumbles, quickly running a hand through his hair. "Now yer gonna fuckin'..... get all pissed at yourself, aren't you? Yer gonna do your whole ' this is my fault, i shouldn't have said stuff ', right?"

Yu quickly goes from whatever look Daisya has apparently figured out, to a solid, dagger-wearing glare. "I..  _no!_ " he replies, basically whining.

Dai shakes his head. "Kanda, ya just.... just gotta understand this," he says. "We.. love you. We all love you, dude, we want you to be happy, we want to make good memories with you, we  _worry_ about you---- it's not BAD that you said what you did, everybody's gotta vent, an-and.. and hell, I say shit all the time! I'm not some Sally Sunshine! But, like..... dude, people worry about you. And when you do this, when you.. bottle yourself up, on a day like this, one we KNOW you hate, one we know you might..  _do_ something.. we're gonna get scared."

The boy just sits there now. His face slowly softens, and he looks back down. He mimics Daisya and combs his fingers through his hair- he needs a damn shower- and then shakes his head. "Fuck," Yu sobs before mimicking Daisya again and beginning to cry. "Fuck, fuck.. why can't you shitheads just let me die? What's the point of me? Look at me- I've laid in my bed all day, I haven't bathed in the last several days, my apartment's a mess- why do you all WANT me?"

He isn't sure what to respond with right away, so Daisya gradually moves forward again, carefully coming to sit beside Yu, and then reaches an arm around him. Immediately, Yu leans into his friend, silent as he cries.

"Yu, listen," the brunette mumbles, "we all got shit we deal with. We're all pretty big messes- did you know Allen once went a week and a half without taking care of himself at all? His house was a wreck, he had clothes scattered here and there, dishes needed to be done, he needed to do laundry, he needed to bathe... he was a mess. He couldn't find his medication, he lost all sense of time, and didn't leave his apartment for like, two weeks. But hey- he's just a fuck up, right? He just needs to get his act together, to go for a run every day, to exercise, to stop being so worried about everything, right?"

"I... no," Yu says, "it's not his fault, he.. he's a  _prick_ but that doesn't mean he's all that stuff. He's just depressed, he has anxieties and shit, why would you say all that?"

Daisya nods his head. "Because if you beat yourself up for the same things he does, and then defend him, I think you need a perspective change."

Yu just stops for a moment, and realizes he had been tricked. A low huff leaves him and he mutters, "I actually hate you."

"But you needed to hear yourself say that," Dai continues. "We are all messes, in our own way, but that doesn't mean we aren't deserving of love, of friends, of life. If this all happened to Lenalee on her birthday, you'd be the first busting down her door, right?"

"............. yeah."

"Yeah."

Daisya leans over and gently kisses the side of Yu's head, murmuring softly, "Why don't you go start a shower? I'll get you an outfit together, and start some dinner. I'll take care of letting everyone know you're fine. Okay?"

"Okay."

"I love you."

A small sigh. "Love you, too..."

 


End file.
